The Things They Didn’t Tell You Thursday, Oct 22 2009 

When I was pregnant with my first child it seemed that everyone I spoke to had advice to dispense on the joys of parenting. As I went on to deliver my daughter and entered the world of parenthood, I found that there was a certain aspect of parenting that everyone “forgot” to include in their offerings. Yes, parenthood is simply amazing. It is everything everyone said it would be and more. I cherish my children and even on its worst day, being a parent is something I wouldn’t trade for anything. That being said, I thought it would be fun to list some things that all parents know, yet usually withhold from unsuspecting first time parents.

– Newborns come equipped with lungs that can reach incredible decibel heights. I always worried in my pregnant days that I would sleep through a feeding in the middle of the night, or that my kids would have a wet diaper and I wouldn’t know until morning. Wrong. They’ll let you know when they are hungry, wet, or gassy. You’ll hear it.

-It’s not bad changing a poopy that comes from your own child. Wrong. For the most part, I don’t have a problem in this area. I have been in the medical field for years, but I have seen thing come out of my kids that made me contemplate  calling a hazmat team. The vomiting can be impressive at times, too. The projectile kind is especially scary and I half expected their little heads to rotate 360 degrees. Thankfully, they haven’t yet.

-At least once in your life, your child will poop in the bathtub. If you’re lucky, it will be a tiny amount. You will be amazed at how a whole can of Lysol spray and one container of Scrubbing Bubbles will not seem like enough. I was almost ready to just buy a whole new tub. My husband wasn’t much help. He laughed until it hurt recalling a certain scene from the movie “CaddyShack”.

-If you are one of those people who pride themselves in having a clean, immaculate car, prepare yourself for disaster. Within a week of buying a brand new top-of-the-line mini-van, my kids had christened it with vomit, leaky sippy cups, and a dropped piece of candy that melted into the carpet. I can’t tell you how many times we have had the car cleaned, yet, it is not uncommon to find a year old chicken nugget lodged somewhere.

-Children’s shows these days are annoying. When I was a kid, we had Sesame Street. Now, they have the Doodlebops. We even took our daughter to a Doodlebops Live concert. As the Doodlebops preformed, I noticed that all of us “grown ups” were singing every song at the top of our lungs. I used to do that when we went to see The Eagles or Counting Crows. Not anymore.

-Your beautiful paint job in the house is the perfect place for your toddler to master his artwork. If you’re lucky, they will stick with the washable crayons. If you’re like me, your husband will accidentally leave a Sharpie in the drawer that your kid can reach. I can’t tell you how many Magic Erasers I have bought, but thank goodness Mr Clean branched off into other areas besides all purpose cleaner. I highly recommend that if you have toddlers, you head to your local wholesale store and buy bulk.

– Children will wait until the moment you are on the phone to follow you around and whine or ask you 50 questions in a row. It never fails. They also like to do the same thing when you are taking a potty break. I haven’t used the bathroom alone once since I became a parent.

– Your precious little one will one day be a four year old and will think that they knows more than you do. I will admit, my daughter knows more spanish than me thanks to Dora, but in all other areas, I’ve got her beat!

There are so many other things I could add on here, and maybe soon, I will do a part two. In the meantime, all of you parents, feel free to nod your head in agreement. You know you’ve been there!

Jagged Little Pills Saturday, Oct 10 2009 

I’ve been sick for the last few weeks. I’m not a sickly person, and when I do get sick, I really make up for lost time. My “yearly” illness came early for me this year and consisted of a sinus infection, double ear infection, upper respiratory infection with asthmatic bronchitis.  After one ER visit and a follow up with my doctor the next day, I was on enough pills to heal a small country. The antibiotics didn’t bother me, the inhaler was a gift from God, but the steroids were another story.

If any of you have ever been on Prednisone, you will completely understand what I am about to say. I am convinced that Prednisone is manufactured by Satan himself. They give you a dose pack with a week’s worth of pills. You start off taking six a day, and taper off day by day. The first night I felt “funny”. There was a jittering in my body that I couldn’t control. I felt flushed and noticed that I was more hungry than usual. I went to bed, only to wake up 30 minutes later. I woke up wondering if I had somehow arrived in the place other than heaven. I have never been so hot in my life. We used to laugh when my Mom would have a hot flash. We would all be sitting around chatting or watching TV together, when all of the sudden, you would see her fanning herself with whatever was closest (The TV Guide was usually sufficient, but a People magazine was even better due to the thickness of it). We would have a good laugh when she would go open the freezer door and wave the doors back and forth to get a cool breeze. Sitting in bed at 12AM, I remembered her methods of relief, so off I went to the freezer. I have to say that if there is such a thing as heaven on earth, I experienced it that night while flapping the doors to the refrigerator to cool myself. For a brief moment, I pictured my Mom doing the exact same thing and quickly concluded that she is a genius.

The hot flashes came and went periodically, but by day 2, I noticed another side effect: hunger. I am not a huge eater. I don’t eat a big breakfast, usually a banana if anything at all, I eat a good lunch, and a small supper. It’s rare that I snack and I do not eat sweets. I noticed that I was eating a lot. I don’t mean a lot for me, I mean I would go into the pantry and just stare for minutes trying to decide what I was going to choose. Suddenly everything looked wonderful and I almost thought I heard the food saying “Pick me!”, “No, pick me!”. I was eating when I wasn’t even hungry.  By the 3rd day, I felt like Jabba The Hut. I swore off the Food Network, and almost used parental controls on my Direct TV to keep me from going to that channel.

Finally, the doses became less and less, and now, I take my last steroid tomorrow. I sure am glad to see lone pill sitting in there. I feel pretty much normal again, except for the 2 pounds I packed on this week (Yes, I was weighed today, but I think it was the shoes that made the scale lie like that. Flip flops weigh a lot these days). I will never laugh at my Mom again when I see the desperate fanning. In fact, I think I will grab the TV Guide and help her out.

Welcome! Friday, Oct 9 2009 

I am very excited to join the blogging world! I have a small blog dedicated to my journey to become a non-smoker, but wanted a blog that I could share random thoughts about a variety of subjects that interest me. “That’s a no-no” is the first thing that popped into my head when naming this blog. It is the one thing I say consistently. I even find myself saying it to my husband when he misbehaves. If I had a dollar for every time I said that phrase in a day, I would be typing this blog from my mansion in Aruba.

Let me tell you a bit about myself: I have been happily married for almost nine years and am the mother of two very energetic children. My son is two and my daughter is four. I am not a frilly girl. I only wear a skirt and high heels when someone has died. I wouldn’t wear hardly anything i’ve ever seen designed on Project Runway. I am more of a yoga pants and t-shirt kind of girl.  The world today scares me now that I have my own children in it, yet, I think there are more good people out there than there are bad.  I am a gadget junkie and feel naked without my iPhone on my hip. I am always thankful for an awesome husband, wonderful kids, and an amazing family.

This blog will chronicle my life as a mother, my thoughts on current events, reviews of consumer products, opinions on Hollywood happenings, and whatever else grabs my attention. I hope you all enjoy!